I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
