Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
