The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
