At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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