I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
