You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
