Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
