So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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