You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You took a bar mat shot.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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