the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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