Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
