well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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