He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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