is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Randomize
