Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The adults are the big ones right?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
