I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
