I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
