If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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