He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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