Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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