Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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