you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
