Small penises have feelings too.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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