No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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