even my farts smell like vagina
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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