But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
