If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
