don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize