So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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