i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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