Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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