I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
