If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
