I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
