apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We are all done wearing pants today
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
