Don't make out with my wife yet
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
His nipple licking is glorious
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