Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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