I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
