At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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