Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
