P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
