Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize