New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
