rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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