Michael Bay diarrhea
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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