Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
