I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
