i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
