Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
