i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
