I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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