the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
