We won't sleep together?
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I touched a dick in church today
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize