went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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