Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize