You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize