I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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