The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
