I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Couch. On fire.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
