Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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