one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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