i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
