I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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