I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
