the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
