omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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