Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
