Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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