do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
