margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
