if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
