Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
