my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
